My First Million
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Forest Fire Conflict Model
Conflicts don't start as fights - they begin as accumulated small irritations (like dry brush on forest floor) that remain unaddressed until a minor trigger (dropped cigarette) ignites them into major arguments
How It Works
Small unresolved issues create emotional 'debris' that builds over time. When someone drops a metaphorical cigarette (minor disagreement), it can either be quickly extinguished or catch fire and burn down the whole relationship forest
Components
Identify accumulating 'debris' (unaddressed small issues)
Create systems to 'clear the forest floor' regularly
When cigarettes drop, extinguish immediately
Don't let small sparks become wildfires
When to Use
When you notice patterns of escalating conflicts in relationships, to understand why small issues become big fights, and for preventing conflict escalation
When Not to Use
Not applicable for acute one-time conflicts or situations involving abuse where immediate action is needed
Anti-Patterns to Avoid
Example
“A couple keeps having the same argument about dishes. The real issue isn't today's dirty plate - it's six months of unaddressed feelings about household responsibility that finally ignited when one person made a comment about the sink”
Related Knowledge
De-escalate conflicts before they become damaging fights
Arguments stay productive and don't damage relationships.
Prevent conflicts by aligning on intentions before discussing actions
Disagreements focus on methods and outcomes rather than character assassination.
sunk_cost_arguing
Gottman's Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
Four communication patterns that predict relationship failure: criticism (attacking character), contempt (superiority/di
Gottman's 5:1 Magic Ratio
Successful relationships maintain at least 5 positive interactions for every 1 negative interaction.
Giving Contest vs. Taking Contest Framework
98% of relationships are 'taking contests' where people measure what they get.